i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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