Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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