This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
