Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
