yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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