Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
