is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
