your parents love me but you hate me
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
