I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
