I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
