Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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