At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
