His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Randomize
