Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
