Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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