At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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