We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
