Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
