i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
