Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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