i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
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