Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
It's shark week go big or go home
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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