census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
