man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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