When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
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