i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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