the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
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