she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Pants are for mortals
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
