one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
