I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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