If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize