Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
