Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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