I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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