someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
