Christians are straight up FREAKS
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
