the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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