I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
