She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
