Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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