tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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