I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
