Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
