I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize