U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
