the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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