The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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