just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
