Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
