i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
