My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
