my phone needs a breathalizer
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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