Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
