This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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