Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
