Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
