I smell stomach acid.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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