Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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