I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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