I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Randomize
