sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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