I can tuck mytits in my pants
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i just google imaged poop.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
