where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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