Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
