That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
