Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
