dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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