I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
