dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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