paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
