I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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