her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
